Alchemynology
by MangaFreak15
Summary: FMA/HP After Ed is killed by Envy, Al attempts to revive him. Instead of going through the Gate like he expected, he and Ed are transported into the Great Hall at Hogwarts, right at the end of the Sorting Ceremony. Pairings? Zilch.
1. Prologue: The Power of the Stone

**Hello everyone. Welcome to the first chapter of Alchemy-nology. This is my first Fullmetal Alchemist fanfiction and I would appreciate it if I didn't receive any flames. This is the basic summary (based off the anime):**

**After Edward is killed by the homunculus Envy, Al attempts to bring his brother back to life. However, instead of going to the Gate like he expected, he and Ed are transported to the Great Hall of Hogwarts, at the end of the Sorting Ceremony.**

**Pairings: None. Please don't ask, I will ignore pairing requests. Keep in mind that this is NOT Elricest.**

**English Speaking: "**Regular"

**German Speaking: **_"Italics"_

**Thoughts: **_Italics_

**Note: I want to remind you that this fanfiction is based off the anime of Fullmetal Alchemist, not the manga. Starts off at the end of episode 51.**

* * *

**Alchemy-nology**

**Prologue**

**The Power of the Stone**

* * *

"_Do you really want to see it?" Envy snarled at the State Alchemist above him._

_Ed drew back his fist as he replied, "Show it to me!"_

"_You asked for it!" A light flashed and Envy's face molded over to a replica of Hohenheim._

_Ed's fist shook as he stared down at Envy in shock. "No . . ." he murmured, eyes wide with disbelief. "Father?"_

_Dante spoke from further away, "Envy is the first homunculus that Hohenheim created. Our child died of mercury poisoning and he tried to resurrect him, but failed."_

"_He abandoned me," Envy continued. "Do you see why I hate him? I never did like being replaced."_

_Without warning, Envy transformed back and thrust his arm through Ed's unprotected chest, piercing straight through the alchemist's fragile heart._

_Ed stared blankly ahead in shock, choking on his own blood. He spit it out on the ground, turning to look briefly at Alphonse before Envy tossed him to the floor. As the puddle of crimson fluid spilled out across the ground, staining his hair and clothing dark red, the light in his eyes died. Edward Elric was dead._

_Rose awoke from her stupor and screamed, "EDWARD!"_

_Alphonse looked up from where he lay in shock. "Brother? No, you can't die!" he shouted. "It's . . . it's supposed to be me . . ."_

_Envy stared down at the dead alchemist with a cruel look of satisfaction on his face. "That was too easy," he laughed condescendingly. "Humans are so pathetically weak!"_

_Wrath glanced up from where he was, whispering, "He's dead . . ."_

_Envy smirked triumphantly at the other homunculus. "Yes, he's dead. He'll set an example for all humans, until only homunculi are left. Ha-hahaha-haha!" Again he laughed._

"_No," Alphonse panicked. "He can't be dead. He wouldn't let that happen! Ed? Ed!"_

_Dante's cold smile flitted across her face. "See? There is no equivalent exchange. Everything he has done, and got nothing in return. You can give all you want, it will never be enough," she said._

_Gluttony ran towards Alphonse, saliva spewing from his mouth. He grabbed hold of Al's armor and began to eat the essence of the Philosopher's Stone. Eventually he stopped and urged Al back on to his feet._

_Dante narrowed her eyes at him. "Stupid child," she muttered, handing the baby back to Rose. "Look at the damage you've caused yourself! Sit down before you –"_

"_SHUT UP!" Alphonse roared. "You can't make me do anything!" He began to walk towards Edward's body._

"_And what do you think you're doing?" she hissed._

_Alphonse knelt next to Ed's body. "My brother hasn't been dead for long," he said softly, caressing Ed's cool cheek gently. "Look . . . his face still has some color left in it. His soul must still be at the Gate."_

"_Fool! You realize what will happen to you when you –" Dante began, but Al interrupted her with an outburst of his own._

"_I know! So many people died to make this stone, and now it's time I do my job," he said harshly._

_Envy leaped at him, screaming wrathfully. Alphonse murmured, "This is for you, Ed. Goodbye, Rose."_

_His hands glowed bright blue and activated the multiple transmutation circles around the hall. Envy shrieked as the world spun on its heel and everything went black._

_Alphonse reached the Gate and saw Ed's transparent soul standing in front of it. Before he could revive Ed and pull the soul back into its proper shell, both of them glowed red and vanished in a burst of light._

* * *

"Zeller, Rose!"

A terrified young girl sat on the stool. The hat made its usual small chat and confirmed her as a Hufflepuff.

Dumbledore stood up from his chair at the staff table was about to present his usual "Welcome-back" speech when he was interrupted.

The entire Hall glowed bright luminescent blue as mysterious runes covered the walls and even the bewitched ceiling. The light flared brightly and everyone was forced to shield their eyes. Something strange appeared, that even bewildered Dumbledore to an extent.

A giant suit of armor whose body was covered in glowing red runes appeared, kneeling next to something.

The light died momentarily, allowing everyone to see what the suit of armor was kneeling next to. Some students turned green and attempted to hold down their vomit. Students' stomachs churned uneasily. Some of the newer students screamed in horror while others fainted from shock.

In front of the suit of armor was the body of a boy who had a hole in his chest, his eyes staring up lifelessly, small, leftover drops of blood staining the stone floor.

The suit of armor cried out in anguish, a desperate wail that had some of the teachers cringing from the raw emotion, _"Brother! Don't leave me! Please . . . you can't . . ."_

He hugged the cold body close to him and activated the runes again.

"_Please, Ed. Come back . . ."_

* * *

It was cold. It was black. And it turned white. He was standing in front of the Gate. Didn't Envy kill him?

"_He can't be dead. He wouldn't let that happen! Ed? Ed!"_

Oh. Alphonse.

A bright glow. A little flash.

Alphonse. He was here? His little brother appeared briefly before everything went dark again.

It was too cold.

* * *

**Just the prologue, but I hoped you liked it. Like all the other stories, this may or may not be continued, depending on my school schedule. I have two days off next week, therefore I can afford to work on some of the stories such as **_**Vampire Queen**_** and **_**The Shikon's Mistake.**_

**Hope you review, this author will greatly appreciate your comments. Constructive criticism is welcome, but no flames.**

**MangaFreak15**


	2. Chapter I: The Elric Brothers

**Hello everyone. Welcome to the second chapter of Alchemy-nology. This is my first Fullmetal Alchemist fanfiction and I would appreciate it if I didn't receive any flames. This is the basic summary (based off the anime):**

**After Edward is killed by the homunculus Envy, Al attempts to bring his brother back to life. However, instead of going to the Gate like he expected, he and Ed are transported to the Great Hall of Hogwarts, in the middle of the Sorting Ceremony.**

**Pairings: None. Please don't ask, I will ignore pairing requests.**

**English Speaking: "**Regular"

**German Speaking: **_"Italics"_

**Thoughts: **_Italics_

**Note: I want to remind you that this fanfiction is based off the anime of Fullmetal Alchemist, not the manga. Starts off at the end of episode 51 and somewhat follows the fifth Harry Potter book. I don't know the timeline of Fullmetal Alchemist, so I'll say Edward died in 1917 at 15 years old.**

* * *

**Alchemy-nology**

**Ch. 1**

**The Elric Brothers**

* * *

"_Please Ed. Come back . . ."_

Although the students had no clue as to what the suit of armor was saying to the dead body, they certainly weren't thinking about the foreign language because the armor began to glow. Dumbledore stood from the staff table in wonder, recalling that the power surging through the air was none other than the Philosopher's Stone, which was said to have been destroyed in Harry's first year.

"_I'll miss you,"_ the armor breathed.

In a flash of brilliant crimson light, the armor dissolved, leaving behind a teenage boy with short blond hair and dark-gray eyes. Then everyone's attention was directed to the body in his arms. The body began glowing red . . .

To everyone's astonishment, the wound healed in a matter of seconds and the other boy's eyes closed. His right arm and left leg also dissolved in little time, being replaced with real flesh and bone. As the light died down, the students' jaws dropped when they saw his chest rise and fall minutely, indicating that he was merely asleep. The boy with the shorter hair closed his eyes and slumped to the floor, unconscious, but still clutching the other in his arms.

The Great Hall was completely silent as Dumbledore walked down the aisle to reach them. He crouched down to them, scrutinizing them for any possible danger. When finding nothing, he levitated them into the air and walked out of the Hall to visit the Hospital Wing.

As soon as he left, the students broke into chatter.

"Bloody Hell, what happened?"

"What was that weird glowing? And can you believe it? That guy came back to life!"

"What do you think those guys were doing?"

"Who were they?"

"Maybe they're dating!"

"I wonder if they're related."

And so on, and so forth. Soon multiple rumors broke out from the crowd and would not be extinguished until the two mysterious boys woke up and explained.

And Umbridge never got to make her little speech. Dear dear.

* * *

A week later, one of the boys showed signs of waking. Dumbledore, McGonagall, Snape, Madame Pomfrey and Harry Potter all sat by the bed, watching as the boy who seemed to have been previously dead awaken.

Hazy golden eyes were revealed under reluctant lids as the boy groggily woke up. His mind cleared in an instant when he sensed and saw strange people gazing curiously at him.

They were astonished when he leaped from the bed, flipped over them and put a hand to his right arm, only to glance down at it in surprise.

Edward stared at his right arm in astonishment, then rolled up his pant leg to see a real flesh leg. He wildly gazed around the room, shouting in a panicked voice, _"Al? Al?! Where are you?"_

The strangers' attention turned to the other bedridden occupant, who groaned and mumbled something unintelligible.

Ed's head snapped towards the sound, seeing a familiar shock of blonde hair. _"Al!"_ he yelled, bounding over to the bed and jumping on the other.

"_Nnn, be quit, big brother,"_ Al protested against the noise, pulling the covers closer around him.

Edward smiled as Alphonse drifted off back to sleep. He heard the strangers speaking in a different language in the background. The old man approached them, smiling kindly.

"_Now that you are awake, would you please tell us how you came to be here?"_ he said in Ed's native language.

Edward eyed him distrustfully. _"I cannot divulge that information so easily to people I don't know," _he said. _"Who are you and where the hell are we?"_

If anything, that made the old man smile more. _"My dear boy, you are inside Hogwarts, the most famous school of witchcraft and wizardry,"_ he answered cheerfully.

"_I am NOT your __**dear boy**__,"_ Edward spat. _"And a school for witches and wizards? BULLSHIT!"_

"_Please understand, we are merely curious as to how you came to be here,"_ the old man said. _"My name is Albus Dumbledore and I am the Headmaster of this school."_

"_Even if I could trust you, which I don't, I couldn't tell you because I don't know how I got here myself,"_ Ed said.

"_My dear boy –"_

_"I'M NOT YOUR DEAR BOY, DAMN IT!"_

_"– that mysterious force that brought you here . . . could it be the Philosopher's Stone?"_

Ed froze and looked at Dumbledore suspiciously. _"How do you know about the stone?"_ he said in a thin voice.

Dumbledore looked at one of the strangers and beckoned him forward. Edward studied the wiry, black-haired teenager as he approached.

"_I am curious because Harry here supposedly helped to destroy the Philosopher's stone four years ago."_

Edward frowned. _"That can't be right,"_ he said. _"Because I've been looking for the stone for years and I know how it is created. I've even seen it and what it can do."_

"_That is a mystery,"_ the old man agreed. _"Do you know a Nicholas Flamel, by any chance?"_

"_Who the hell is that?"_

"_That is the man who created the Philosopher's Stone."_

Ed stared at them, wide-eyed and jaw almost dropping. _"WHAT?!" _he yelled. _"That's a lie! Tim Marcoh and his research group created the Philosopher's Stone! Using . . ."_ Ed stopped himself before he could blurt out the truth.

Al woke up from all the noise. He sat up abruptly, staring at his own limbs in astonishment. _"Big brother!"_ he yelped, tackling Ed off the bed and on to the hard stone floor, causing Ed to moan in pain as he hit his head. _"We did it! We got our bodies back!"_

Ed rubbed his injury, wrapping one arm around his brother's body. _"Yeah, we did,"_ he answered softly. _"Finally, after all these years, we're back to normal."_

Al squeezed his brother's body one more time, just to make sure he was real and this wasn't a dream, before letting go. Dumbledore cleared his throat loudly enough for them to hear him.

"_So, would you mind telling us your story?"_ he said.

The two brothers looked at each other, silently communicating. _"My name is Alphonse Elric,"_ Al introduced. _"This is my older brother, Edward Elric."_

Then it was Dumbledore's turn to stare at them incredulously. _"I've heard of the name Edward Elric when I visited Germany last. Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist,"_ he said. _"But that was more than seventy years ago."_

"_Seventy years?!" _Edward shouted. _"What year is it now?"_

"_1995."_

Edward and Alphonse gave each other horrified glances. _"That means everyone back in Amestris . . ."_ Alphonse whispered.

"_The people we know are probably already dead,"_ Ed finished grimly.

"_We have to find a way back to where we came from,"_ Alphonse said.

"_Until we can find a way for you to go back, would you mind staying here and teaching our students?"_ Dumbledore asked.

"_Teaching what?"_ Al queried.

"_Why, offense and defense in hand-to-hand combat as well as some alchemy,"_ the old man said casually.

"_Us, teach alchemy to a bunch of brats?"_ Edward said angrily. _"I refuse!"_

"_Ed!"_ Alphonse smacked his brother in the back of the head.

"_Ow! What the hell was that for, Al?"_

"_You could at least consider the position!" _Al protested. _"Think about it! We're in an unknown place at least seventy-eight years into the future! And you'll be teaching with me at your side."_

"_Actually we're in a place called Hogwarts, a school for witches and wizards," _Ed explained.

Al paused, processing this information in his head. _"Okay, fine. We're in a magic school at least seventy-eight years into the future, in a different country altogether and I'll be helping you teach,"_ he rephrased his previous statements.

Ed sighed. _"You want to teach them don't you?"_ he said gloomily.

Dumbledore spoke up, _"How old are you, exactly?"_

"_Ed is fifteen and I'm fourteen,"_ Al answered.

Dumbledore glanced at them. _"That is a bit young to be teaching,"_ he admitted. _"But I presume that you would rather not attend classes with the other students, seeing as you are both alchemists."_

The boys nodded. _"I hope we do not impose on you too much," _Al said.

"_Not at all, we have plenty of space," _Dumbledore answered pleasantly. _"Very well, you accept my offer?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Then, Professors Elric and Elric, let us make haste and find you spare quarters and a seat at our table, as well as a suitably sized classroom."_

As Dumbledore turned to speak with the other strangers that had been silent up till now, Edward and Alphonse hoped that they hadn't just made a mistake.

* * *

**The end of the chapter! This was a bit longer than the prologue, not too much, but I hope it's okay. Please give me a review telling me what you think, but do not flame me. Thank you to ****otogii**** for pointing out that the world of Fullmetal Alchemist could be in Germany, so I've switched languages from Japanese to German.**

**MangaFreak15**


	3. Chapter II: The Woes of Draco Malfoy

**Hello everyone. Welcome to the third chapter of Alchemy-nology. This is my first Fullmetal Alchemist fanfiction and I would appreciate it if I didn't receive any flames. This is the basic summary (based off the anime):**

**After Edward is killed by the homunculus Envy, Al attempts to bring his brother back to life. However, instead of going to the Gate like he expected, he and Ed are transported to the Great Hall of Hogwarts, in the middle of the Sorting Ceremony.**

**Pairings: None. Please don't ask, I will ignore pairing requests. This is not Elricest.**

**English Speaking: "**Regular"

**German Speaking: **_"Italics"_

**Thoughts: **_Italics_

**Note: I want to remind you that this fanfiction is based off the anime of Fullmetal Alchemist, not the manga. Starts off at the end of episode 51 and somewhat follows the fifth Harry Potter book.**

**Warning: I do not know the exact timeline when Fullmetal Alchemist is set, so I will just say that Edward died in 1917 at 15 years old.**

* * *

**Alchemy-nology**

**Ch. 2**

**The Woes of Draco Malfoy**

* * *

Edward woke that morning feeling better, now that he'd had a decent night of sleep. He briefly stared at the ceiling, his memories from the night before returning to him in a blink. He turned his head to the side to look at the person sleeping peacefully next to him, his younger brother Alphonse.

They had really done it. They'd gotten their bodies back, but at the price of hurtling forwards seventy-eight years into the future. How was everyone back home in the past? Would they ever return? Those particular thoughts had Ed grimacing inside.

He sat up and walked to the bathroom. Al woke up groggily after feeling his source of heat leaving his side. He yawned and stretched his slender arms high above his head. Today would be the first day teaching people, who were both younger and older than them, in martial arts and the basic principles of alchemy. At least Dumbledore placed a Permanent Translation charm on them that would last until they left.

The bathroom door opened and Ed came out clad in his sleeveless black undershirt. He was still getting used to the fact that he now had a real arm and leg. Al slid off the bed and greeted his brother sleepily.

"We should meet Dumbledore soon," Ed said, reaching for the black jacket thrown carelessly over the back of an armchair by the fireplace.

Al nodded and proceeded to move through his hygiene routine quickly, although it was slightly awkward to be holding a toothbrush and a wash towel to his own face after lacking four years of it. Once he finished, he dressed in almost the same thing as Ed did, except he wore a long black cloak instead of a jacket.

The brothers stepped out of their new quarters and walked towards the Great Hall. McGonagall and Snape had given them a tour of the castle the night before, so they had a vague idea of where everything was.

It was still relatively early, so very few students were in the Hall at this hour. The ones who were, however, stared and pointed at them as they passed the empty student tables to move up to the staff tables.

"Ah, Edward, Alphonse, I'm glad you could make it," Dumbledore said, smiling merrily. "Your seats are next to Professor Sprout." He waved a wrinkled hand towards a jolly-looking plump woman sitting nearer to the right end. She waved at them and gestured to the two empty seats new to her.

No sooner than ten minutes after they seated themselves, a crowd of students poured into the Hall, all chatting amicably to one another. Among them were Hogwarts Golden Trio, Harry, Ron and Hermione.

They glanced up to the staff table, where Ron nudged Harry to look at the two people who'd appeared out of nowhere a week ago. Harry's shining emerald eyes met Alphonse's dark-gray eyes. The teenage wizard held eye contact with the other teenager for a few seconds, before Harry broke away at the sheer intensity of the other boy's eyes.

As the Great Hall filled up, more and more students began to notice Ed and Al sitting at the staff table. There were various cries of surprise at this that did not quiet down.

When the tables were full, Dumbledore stood up to give a small speech regarding the presence of the newcomers at the staff table, "Good morning, all students! I have a special announcement to make. It has been agreed upon that we will be opening a new class for this year only. All students are encouraged to participate. Please welcome Edward and Alphonse Elric, the professors of this year's new Alchemy Club!"

Thunderous applause rang through the hall, but many students had questions. Unsurprisingly, Hermione's hand was up.

"Professor Dumbledore sir," she began, "what exactly do you mean by alchemy?"

"Alchemy is a science," Edward explained. "It is not magic. The basic principle of alchemy is _equivalent exchange._ The basic structure of alchemy is observation, decomposing and recomposing."

A snotty little blonde from the Slytherin table laughed mockingly, "Alchemy is just the ability to turn minerals into gold. Just give up the hoax, you little frauds."

Alphonse was ready to hold back his brother, but to his surprise, Edward calmly turned towards the blonde boy and said, "Do you need a demonstration?"

"I don't need one to see that you're a fake, shrimp," the blonde smirked superiorly.

The area around Ed seemed to darken when the forbidden word was mentioned. So Malfoy was punished when a stone fist flew out of the wall behind him and punched him in the head, causing him to land face-first into his breakfast.

Ron howled with laughter, choking gleefully, "I think I like this professor!"

Hermione, however satisfied she was seeing Malfoy get his just desserts, still had a question. "Professor Elric? I know this might seem a little rude, but . . . when you first appeared in the hall like that . . . weren't you – weren't you dead?"

A silent hush befell the hall at Hermione's daring question. Alphonse put a hand on Ed's shoulder. "Let me explain, brother," he said softly.

"Don't tell them about the homunculi. They don't need to know," Ed whispered. "I'm sure they already know about the Philosopher's Stone though."

Alphonse nodded. He turned to face the hall of students, silently awaiting the answer. "How many of you have heard of the legendary Philosopher's Stone?" he asked.

The crowd of students erupted into various whispers, recalling their memories from when Harry had been a first-year student and encountered it.

Ron stood up, "It used to be here, but it was destroyed four years ago."

"I know," Alphonse said evenly. "Dumbledore has told us."

"What does this have to do with Professor Elric's supposed death?" a Ravenclaw student asked.

"Before I get into that, I need to tell you that we are not from this time and area," Alphonse replied. "My brother and I come from the country of Amestris in Germany. However, we are actually alchemists who were born around ninety-three years ago –"

"But," a Hufflepuff girl interjected, "you look so young!"

"Yes," Alphonse agreed, "and that is because the Philosopher's Stone has sent us about seventy-eight years into the future, to this time where all of you are alive. We are as young as we look. Now, Amestris has been at war for a very long time. My brother and I were hunting down enemies and the Philosopher's Stone, but one of them killed my brother while he was unguarded. I couldn't do anything, but . . ."

Edward interrupted, "Earlier, there was a riot in the town of Lior. A man named Scar tried to make a Philosopher's Stone. He ended up making Alphonse into the Philosopher's Stone."

Collective gasps rang through the student body. "You're a philosopher's stone, Professor Elric?!"

"Was," Alphonse corrected. "To continue where I left off, an ally of the person who killed Ed used alchemy on me. I got up and tried to use myself to revive my brother. We were transported here and you know the rest of the story."

"So the Philosopher's Stone has the power to bring someone back to life?"

"Yes . . . but only if you are willing to pay a very big price," Edward growled, instinctively clutching his right shoulder.

Dumbledore intercepted, "Well, let's not waste any more time! Eat up!"

* * *

Edward and Alphonse Elric were intrigued.

After their meal in the hall, since they had no class to teach in the first period, they walked outside and spotted people flying around on broomsticks on a playing field.

Edward also spotted the blonde kid who had called him a "shrimp" earlier, jeering condescendingly at the players in the air from the stands.

He and Alphonse walked over to the stands, appearing next to the Slytherins in a pinch. The group was startled and fell off their seats in surprise at the sudden appearance of the two new professors Malfoy had made fun of.

"You –" Malfoy growled, fishing his wand out of his pocket and pointing it at Edward.

"Stop – STOP!" a shriek from above brought their attention to the Gryffindor players. "Ron! _Cover your middle post!"_

The redhead blushed in embarrassment at the reproach and drifted back over to the middle hoop. "Sorry," he mumbled.

The Slytherins began their mocking anew, "Gryffindors are losers, Gryffindors are losers . . ."

Edward was pissed that they had no respect towards their classmates and transmuted the metal under their feet into a giant fist that sent the small group of Slytherins flying off and landing hard on the unforgiving ground.

Malfoy leaped to his feet and howled in anger, "Do you know who I am, Elric?! I'll tell my father about you!"

"Go ahead, you little pansy," Edward snarled.

"Hey!" a girl sputtered.

Malfoy gritted his teeth. "I'M NOT A PANSY!" he roared, pointing his stick at Edward. _"Stupefy!"_

A jet of light shot towards Edward. Malfoy's face twisted into a smirk, thinking that he had hit the professor, but the triumphant look fell from his face as Edward simply stepped to the side and let the light pass by him.

"Pathetic," Edward said. "Looks like wizards need some training in those areas . . . say, Al? Should we give them a hard time like our teacher did?"

Alphonse grinned. "Sure we will, brother."

* * *

Their first lesson happened to be teaching a group of fifth year Gryffindors and Slytherins, the Golden Trio and Malfoy's little gang amongst them.

As the students entered the classroom, some of them gasped at the various runes covering the walls.

As soon as they settled down, Edward began, "Welcome to the Alchemy Club. I am Professor Edward Elric and this is my brother, Professor Alphonse Elric. You will address us both as Professor Elric. Today we will be testing you on your agility and strength in hand-to-hand combat."

"What does _that_ have to do with alchemy?" Malfoy muttered.

"Can you defend yourself after losing your wand, Mister Malfoy?" Alphonse questioned sharply, disliking the tone of disrespect.

Malfoy sneered, "Of course I can."

Edward sighed. "Fine. You will be the first volunteer," he said. "Put your wands away, you will not be using them in this class."

Malfoy strutted up to the two professors, arrogant smirk stuck on his boyishly handsome face. Alphonse walked forward.

"Give me your best punch," he instructed.

Malfoy cocked his fist back and punched Alphonse in the cheek. The class gasped at this brutal assault, but was even further surprised when Alphonse didn't even blink, much less move.

Edward grinned, "Is that the best you have? Babies could probably punch harder than you where we come from."

The Gryffindors sniggered while the Slytherins glared sullenly. Malfoy tried to kick Alphonse, but Al jumped up and dealt a spin kick to Malfoy's left shoulder, sending the boy crashing into the wall in pain.

"Next," Edward called out.

Harry and Ron gave each other identical grins. They could really get to like these new professors, especially when Malfoy got his ass handed to him.

* * *

**Heh, I update really fast, don't I? All the ideas are pouring through my head, especially with the fifth Harry Potter book to guide me. Well, I have the day off today, so I can work on it. Once again, please do not flame. Thank you.**

**MangaFreak15**


	4. Chapter III: Umbridge the Inquisitor

**Hello everyone. Welcome to the fourth chapter of Alchemy-nology. This is my first Fullmetal Alchemist fanfiction and I would appreciate it if I didn't receive any flames. This is the basic summary (based off the anime):**

**After Edward is killed by the homunculus Envy, Al attempts to bring his brother back to life. However, instead of going to the Gate like he expected, he and Ed are transported to the Great Hall of Hogwarts, in the middle of the Sorting Ceremony.**

**Pairings: None. Please don't ask, I will ignore pairing requests. This is not Elricest.**

**English Speaking: "**Regular"

**German Speaking: **_"Italics"_

**Thoughts: **_Italics_

**Note: I want to remind you that this fanfiction is based off the anime of Fullmetal Alchemist, not the manga. Starts off at the end of episode 51 and somewhat follows the fifth Harry Potter book.**

**Warning: I do not know the exact timeline when Fullmetal Alchemist is set, so I will just say that Edward died in 1917 at 15 years old.**

* * *

**Alchemy-nology**

**Ch. 3**

**Umbridge the Inquisitor**

* * *

The next morning Edward and Alphonse were sitting at the staff table, joking with some of the other professors while they ate. They were slightly surprised by the owl mail, but quickly got over it.

Hermione received her clip of the _Daily Prophet_, but let out a gasp that had Harry and Ron looking over to her. "Umbridge has been made into a High-Inquisitor!" she hissed, flattening the newspaper for them to look at. "Listen:

"_In a surprise move last night the Ministry of Magic passed new legislation giving itself an unprecedented level of control at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. 'The Minister has been growing uneasy about goings-on at Hogwarts for some time,' said Junior Assistant to the Minister, Percy Weasley. 'He is now responding to concerns voiced by anxious parents, who feel the school may be moving in a direction they do not approve.' This is not the first time in recent weeks Fudge has used new laws to effect improvements at the Wizarding school. As recently as August 30__th__ Educational Decree Twenty-two was passed, to ensure that, in the event of the current headmaster being unable to provide a candidate for a teaching post, the Ministry should select an appropriate person._

"'_That's how Dolores Umbridge came to be appointed to the teaching staff at Hogwarts,' said Weasley last night. 'Dumbledore couldn't find anyone, so the Minister put in Umbridge and of course, she's been an immediate success, totally revolutionizing the teaching of Defense Against the Dark Arts and providing the Minister with the on-the-ground feedback about what's really happening at Hogwarts.' It is this last function that the Ministry has now formalized with the passing of Educational Decree Twenty-three, which creates the new position of 'Hogwarts High Inquisitor'._

"'_This is an exciting new phase in the Minister's plan to get to grips with what some are calling the "falling standards" at Hogwarts,' said Weasley. 'The Inquisitor will have powers to inspect her fellow educators and make sure that they are coming up to scratch. Professor Umbridge has been offered this position in addition to her own teaching post, and we are delighted to say that she has accepted.' The Minister's new moves have received enthusiastic support from parents of students at Hogwarts._

"'_I feel much easier in my mind now that I know that Dumbledore is being subjected to fair and objective evaluation,' said Mr. Lucius Malfoy, 41, speaking from his Wiltshire mansion last night. 'Many of us with our children's best interests at heart have been concerned about some of Dumbledore's eccentric decisions in the last few years and will be glad to know that the Ministry is keeping an eye on the situation.' Among those 'eccentric decisions' are undoubtedly the controversial staff appointments previously described in this newspaper, which have included the hiring of werewolf Remus Lupin, half-giant Rubeus Hagrid, and delusional ex-Auror 'Mad-Eye' Moody._

"_Rumors abound, of course, that Albus Dumbledore, once Supreme Mugwump of the International Confederation of Wizards and Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, is no longer up to the task of managing the prestigious school of Hogwarts. 'I think the appointment of the Inquisitor is a first step toward ensuring that Hogwarts has a headmaster in whom we can all repose confidence,' said a Ministry insider last night._

"_Wizengamot elders Griselda Marchbanks and Tiberius Ogden have resigned in protest at the introduction of the post of Inquisitor to Hogwarts. 'Hogwarts is a school, not an outpost of Cornelius Fudge's office,' said Madam Marchbanks. 'This is a further disgusting attempt to discredit Albus Dumbledore.' (For a full account of Madam Marchbanks' alleged links to subversive goblin groups, turn to page 17)."_

"So that's how we got stuck with her," Ron muttered.

Hermione nodded vigorously. "It's _outrageous_!" she exclaimed. Harry looked down upon his clenched fist, where a thin white scar was labeled into his skin.

But the two teenagers were suddenly suspicious of the giant grin on Ron's face. "Oh, Umbridge – I mean _Umbitch_ will get what's coming to her when she tries to inspect McGonagall," Ron said happily.

The others sported amused smiles at Ron's nickname for the High Inquisitor.

* * *

"Wands away," Umbridge told her class, still smiling that dreadful toad-like smile.

The few hopefuls with their wands out grudgingly stashed them away, wishing they could hex the damn professor if that didn't get them in trouble.

Before Umbridge began her lesson, however, someone knocked on her classroom door. "Come in!" she called, secretly hoping for the person to be a late student so she could mark off tardy points in her class.

The door opened . . .

Many of the students started in surprise when they saw Edward Elric standing in the doorway, a seemingly-forced pleasant smile on his charming face.

"Pleased to meet your acquaintance, Professor Umbridge," he greeted cordially. "My brother and I have a free period, so we decided to visit various classes to see what the students are learning."

Umbridge sniffed disapprovingly. "Very well, stand in the back and watch," she said.

She turned to the class. "Well? As we have finished chapter one last lesson, I would like you to turn to page nineteen and read chapter two, 'Common Defensive Theories and Their Derivation.' Please keep quiet."

Hermione's hand rose as the rest of the class groaned quietly and turned to page nineteen in the book.

Edward was puzzled. This class was supposed to be _Defense Against the Dark Arts_, right? Shouldn't they be practicing defensive spells and learning about how to counter Dark creatures, not just reading?

"Yes, Miss Granger?" Umbridge bent down next to Hermione and whispered.

"I have already read the whole book," the bushy-haired girl replied.

"Well, what does Slinkhard say about counterjinxes in chapter fifteen?"

"He says that counterjinxes are names that people give to their jinxes to make them sound more acceptable," Hermione said. "But I disagree."

Edward nearly cracked a smile. Smart girl.

Umbridge's gaze turned icy. "You _disagree?_" she repeated.

"Yes, I do," Hermione said firmly. Many of the students were already looking in her direction, hearing her clearly.

Umbridge straightened her posture and replied, a touch coldly, "I'm afraid that it is Mister Slinkhard's opinion that matters, _not_ yours, in this classroom."

"But –"

"I shall have to take five points from Gryffindor for your cheek," Umbridge said.

"What?!" Harry protested angrily.

"Harry," Hermione whispered. "Don't –"

"Professor Umbridge," Edward interrupted. The class turned to him in surprise, having forgotten he was there. "I believe that as a teacher, you should listen to what students have to say, not just dismiss them."

"This is my class, Elric, and I will run it however I want," Umbridge retorted.

"Bogging down your students with books on defensive theories and not having them practice is not a good teaching method," Edward said. "For every class, there is the matter of theory _and_ practical application."

Umbridge's eyes narrowed. "Get out of my classroom, Elric," she hissed.

"Not until I see some application in this classroom."

"There is no reason for them to practice!" Umbridge said sweetly. "Why ever would they need to?"

Edward's gaze hardened. "I don't know, maybe because you are in the middle of a war with an evil man and students need to learn how to defend themselves?" he suggested, with a hint of mockery.

Umbridge laughed. "Oh, Elric! Poor fool, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is certainly not back!" she said. "That boy has just been spouting lies –"

Harry stood furiously. "Excuse me, Professor," he said loudly, "but are you calling me a liar?"

Umbridge blinked. "Of course! The Dark Lord cannot be back! Why, that is quite absurd!" she said.

"Damn it! I saw him last year!" Harry said, his voice increasing in volume. He ignored Hermione's pleas to sit down. "Voldemort murdered Cedric Diggory last year! _I saw him!_"

Umbridge paused. "Perhaps another week of detention will help you," she said sleekly.

"With all due respect, Professor Umbridge," Edward said calmly, "the boy is right. I cannot understand why your Ministry would turn a blind eye to such pressing matters – but I'm afraid I will be calling off Potter's detention."

Umbridge turned a furious red. "Get out!" she roared, gesturing furiously to the door. "Potter _will_ be attending detention with me, Elric."

Edward raised an eyebrow. He sighed and headed towards the door. As he exited, he said, "Don't say you haven't been warned. I will be visiting these so-called _detentions_ – surely you can do one right."

* * *

That evening Edward and Alphonse appeared in Umbridge's office, standing in the far shadows. Umbridge handed Harry a quill and instructed him to write 'I must not tell lies' on the parchment until she was satisfied.

Harry braced himself for the pain and began to write, ignoring the searing pain cutting into the back of his hand.

A clap sounded and suddenly two gloved hands covered the quill. Blue light sparked from it, causing Umbridge to frown. When the light died, the quill still looked to same. Harry began writing again, but to his astonishment, as blood-red ink appeared, his right hand did not hurt.

Umbridge did not see that his hand was no longer bleeding. Satisfied, she went back to her work without checking Harry's hand.

Edward, who had transmuted the quill, winked at Harry as he and Alphonse left, closing the door after them.

An hour later, Umbridge's scream of fury could be heard from those closer to her classroom door.

Within their dorm, Edward and Alphonse grinned at each other.

* * *

**Shorter than the last chapter, but it's still a chapter, nonetheless. Reviews are welcome, flames are not.**

**MangaFreak15**


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